it's not anyones fault.

except for my own.

i relate everything to the past. i see something that i don't want to see because i stick my nose in places that i maybe shouldn't, but not purposely. not to say i'd rather be ignorant... but i can't go through life being paranoid about every little god damn thing.

just because my ex boyfriend was a bastard, and treated me like shit, and hid things from me that need not have been hidden... it's made me uncomfortable.

it makes me doubt my current situation.

i have it so good, but it's hard for me to accept that i could possibly have found such an amazing man. it's hard for me to realize that he's not a total prick who's going to screw me over through no real fault of my own.

i'm not a nosy bitch. i don't go through things i shouldn't. but when i'm typing a website address and i look up to make sure i've typed it correctly, and something pops up that i don't want to have seen................ what do i do? what the fuck do i do...?

i'm so fucking happy, it kills me. i know i don't deserve it and i'm waiting for everything to just collapse around me. my world can, at any moment, cave in and bury me.

i'm so fucking happy that i'm miserable.

what. the. fuck.

wondering what my problem is,
Becca